The Pink Pony Detective
by DiscordantPrincess
Summary: Disney's The Great Mouse Detective, as told by our favorite colorful equines.
1. Casting and Kidnapping

**Greetings, fellow FanFiction peoples! I come in peace. Take me to your leader...nah, JK! **

**OK, so I've had the idea for this story for a while...basically it's the cast of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" performing Disney's "The Great Mouse Detective." If it isn't obvious, I really love both of these fictions, and I wanted to combine the two. Hope you all enjoy!**

**THE PINK PONY DETECTIVE CAST:**

***Pinkie Pie as Basil of Baker Street**

***Twilight Sparkle as Dr. David Q Dawson**

***Spike as Twilight's assistant (hey, I had to get the little guy in the story somehow!)**

***Apple Bloom as Olivia Flaversham**

***Discord as Professor Ratigan**

***Gilda as Fidget**

***Applejack as Hiram Flaversham**

***Mrs. Cup Cake as Mrs. Judson**

***Gummy as Toby**

***Ursa Minor as Felicia**

***Prince Blueblood as Bartholomew**

***Flim Flam Brothers, Trixie and Diamond Dogs as Ratigan's gang**

***Rarity as Miss Kitty**

***Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash as Miss Kitty's backup dancers/sisters**

***Princesses Celestia and Luna as Queen Mousetoria (they share the role)**

**And now; our story...**

* * *

It was a quiet night in Ponyville. At Sweet Apple Acres, an orange earth pony with a yellow mane and tail fixed with red bands, green eyes, freckles, a cutie mark of three red apples and a cowgirl hat was working on sanding a carving she had made out of wood. This was Applejack, master apple bucker and woodworker. Near her was her younger sister Apple Bloom, an adorable filly with a yellow coat, a red mane and tail, golden eyes and a dark pink bow in her mane, playing with her favorite toy; a hoopty-loop that Applejack had made for her out of an old rain barrel.

"Golly, AJ, this has been my best birthday ever!" Apple Bloom told her sister happily.

"Hold your horseshoes, there, Apple Bloom, I haven't given ya your present yet," Applejack reminded her.

"What is it? What is it?" Apple Bloom asked excitedly, bouncing up and down like a rubber ball.

"Close your eyes," Applejack told her. Apple Bloom shut her eyes and covered them with her forehooves, but moved them away for a second. "Hey now, no peekin', li'l sis!" Apple Bloom giggled and recovered her eyes as Applejack went into a cupboard to get out her sister's present. "OK, you can open 'em."

Apple Bloom uncovered her eyes and gasped when she saw the gift. It was a beautifully-carved apple, painted red and green, with a crank attached to the side. Apple Bloom turned the crank. Music started playing, and at the end an adorable green worm popped out of the apple's top. Apple Bloom beamed. "Oh my gosh! You really made this for ME?"

"Sure did, kiddo."

Apple Bloom squealed and hugged her sister. "Oh, thank you thank you thank you, Applejack! You're the bestest big sister in all of Equestria!"

Little did the sisters realize that as they celebrated, a griffon with a broken wing and a pegleg was sneaking up to their door. Once the griffon got to the door, she tried to break it, rattling the doorknob. "Who's that?" Apple Bloom asked fearfully, cowering behind her sister.

"I dunno," Applejack replied. She grabbed ahold of her little sister and ran over to a large cabinet. "AB, hide in here and don't come out!" She shoved Apple Bloom into the cabinet and shut the door behind her...just as the griffon burst through the window.

Apple Bloom listened with fright as Applejack fought the griffon. "Take THAT, ya varmint!" There was a thud as the griffon hit a wall, but then a cry of "I gotcha NOW, dweeb!" then a cry of "APPLE BLOOM!" Then...silence.

The young filly pushed the door of the cabinet open, to see the room a mess. Furniture was turned over and broken. Paint was splattered every where. And worst of all, Applejack was gone.

"AJ! Where are ya?" Apple Bloom called to her sister as she ran to the now-broken window. "AJ! Where are ya?" No response. "AJ!" Silence. "AJ!"

**Awww, poor Apple Bloom! I just wub her so much! That's one of the main reasons I cast her as Olivia; they're both adorable, they both wear those cute little hairbows, and I JUST WANT TO HUG BOTH OF THEM SO MUCH! DANG IT, WHY DO YOU TWO HAVE TO BE FICTIONAL SO I CAN'T HUG YOU?! OK, got that out of my system.**

**Next chapter, Apple Bloom meets up with Twilight Sparkle and Spike, and they all go together to find the famous detective Pinkie Pie of Sugar Cube Corner. Thanks for reading, please R&R!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	2. Twilight and Spike Meet AB

**DiscordantPrincess new chapter writer, YAY!**

"...and so, in conclusion, the zebras are a most fascinating people. They have many different customs, costumes and traditions that make them unique, but in many ways are similar to the everyday pony like you and me."

It was the next day. In a flying chariot above the skies of Ponyville, a purple unicorn with a dark blue mane and tail with pink and purple streaks, purple eyes and a cutie mark of magical sparkles was dictating an essay that was being written by a small purple dragon with green spikes, a pale green underbelly and green eyes.

"You got all that, Spike?" the unicorn asked her assistant.

Spike nodded. "You bet, Twilight."

Twilight Sparkle smiled as the chariot landed in Ponyville. "And now that my studies abroad in the zebra homeland are done, we can find a nice, quiet little home here in Ponyville." She jumped out of the chariot with Spike on her back and turned to the pegasi that had flown them there. "Thank you, sirs."

"You're very welcome, Miss Sparkle," one of the drivers replied. They flew away, and Twilight and Spike went off towards the center of Ponyville.

Suddenly, Twilight stopped in her tracks. "Did you hear something?"

Spike cupped a claw to the side of his head. "Yeah. It sounds like somepony crying."

"Come on, let's go see if we can help whoever it is," Twilight suggested. She trotted towards the source of the crying, and they came across an alley. They peeked in and both gasped. "Oh my gosh!"

Laying in the alley, curled up in a sad little ball, her face turned away from the duo, was a little filly, a saddle bag on her back, sobbing like she'd just lost everything. "Are you OK, sweetie?" Twilight asked. The filly looked over at them, sniffling, and backed away a little.

"It's OK, we're not going to hurt you," Twilight assured her gently as she walked up to her. The filly just stayed there, but leaned against Twilight as she cried. The unicorn gently stroked her mane with her hoof. "Shh, there, there. It'll be all right. Now, what's bothering you?"

The filly sniffled. "I...I'm lost. I...I'm tryin' to find Pinkie Pie of Sugar Cube Corner." She took a newspaper clipping out of her saddle bag.

"Let me see," Twilight offered. She used her magic to make the clipping float in front of her face. "FAMOUS DETECTIVE SOLVES MAYOR'S BAFFLING DISAPPEARANCE," she read the title.

"Where's your family?" Spike asked.

"That's why I hafta find Pinkie Pie!" the filly wept. She burst into even harder tears. Spike slapped his claw against his face in a facepalm. "Nice going, Spike," he chastised himself.

"Shh, shh, it's OK, it's OK," Twilight tried to quell the filly. "We can help. I mean, I don't know anypony named Pinkie Pie..." She gazed down at the filly's big, sad eyes and smiled. "...but I DO know where Sugar Cube Corner is." The filly immediately cheered up. "Come on, we'll all find Pinkie together." The trio headed off together, Spike riding on Twilight's back and the filly trotting at her side. "By the way, sweetie, what's your name?"

"I'm Apple Bloom."

"Hi, Apple Bloom. I'm Twilight Sparkle, and this is Spike."

"'Sup?" Spike replied, pointing a claw at Apple Bloom in a "cool" manner, making her giggle.

"Ya think Pinkie Pie can help me?" Apple Bloom asked the older pony.

"I don't see why not," Twilight replied. "Why don't you tell me what happened?"

**Aww, so much sweetness! Sorry if I accidentally gave anyone tooth decay, hee hee!**

**I hope my casting works OK. Originally I was going to have Twilight be Basil and just have Spike as Dawson, seeing as she's almost as ridiculously smart as he is, but then I decided to make Pinkie Basil because A. she's a lot smarter than you would initially give her credit for and B. she's every bit as crazy awesome as Bas. Plus, Twilight would be much more parent-like than Spike, and I always saw Dawson as kind of a surrogate grandfather for Olivia...maybe that's just me being hopelessly mushy, though. **

**I probably could've made Twi a doctor/soldier, but I just decided to keep her as Celestia's prized student, who just came back from studying abroad in the zebra homeland rather than a military campaign in Afghanistan. I don't even know what the pony equivalent of Afghanistan could be called...any thoughts, peeps?**

**OK, is it just me, or does everyone want to give Apple Bloom one seriously long hug here? Poor little filly has all my sads. **

**Next chap, our trio goes to Sugar Cube Corner and meets Pinkie Pie...only to be initially blown off. How can they handle that? And why is Pinkie ignoring their request? **

**Thanks for reading! Please R&R. No flames, please...all flames shall be given to the uber-sexy Prince Zuko for firebending.**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	3. Pinkie Pie of Sugar Cube Corner

**What's up, buttercups? Ready for a brand new chapter of "The Pink Pony Detective?" 'Cause here it is!**

**"My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" is owned by Hasbro and Lauren Faust. "The Great Mouse Detective" is owned by Disney and Eve Titus. I ain't making any money off of this, just trying to entertain y'all!**

And so the trio walked through Ponyville together. After a bit, they came to Sugar Cube Corner, a lovely bakery decorated like a gingerbread house. They went up to the front door, and Twilight knocked. After a moment, a middle-aged blue earth pony mare with a pink mane and tail, pink eyes, pink ball earrings and a cutie mark of cupcakes opened the door.

"Good afternoon, ma'am," Twilight spoke up. "Is this detective Pinkie Pie's headquarters?"

"I'm afraid so," the mare replied. "I'm Cup Cake, Miss Pie's landlady and housekeeper. She's not here right now, but you're welcome to come in and wait."

"I don't want to get into your hair, ma'am," Twilight responded. "It's just, our little filly friend here..."

"...has disappeared," Spike finished.

"What?" Twilight turned to see that Apple Bloom was gone. "Apple Bloom? Where are you?"

"I'm in here, Twilight," the filly's voice came from inside the bakery. They looked to see Apple Bloom, sitting in an armchair near a fireplace, looking into a magnifying glass. "This is so cool! It makes everything look ginormous!"

"Oh, aren't you ADORABLE?" Cup Cake cooed, rushing to her side. "I bet you'd like one of my famous double chocolate cupcakes, wouldn't you, you little cutie pie?"

Apple Bloom nodded. "Yes, please, ma'am."

"All right, I'll go get a fresh batch. Be right back!" With that, Cup Cake trotted into the kitchen, leaving our trio to look around. On the other side of the room, away from the kitchen, there was a table set up with an elaborate chemistry set, papers strewn all over the table.

Just then, outside the door, they heard a cry of "AHA! That villain won't get away this time!" A gray pegasus with a yellow mane and tail, yellow eyes going in different directions, and a cutie mark of bubbles burst in through the front door. "I'm gonna get him!" She ran past Twilight and Spike. "Outta my way!"

"Hey!" Twilight spoke up. "Who are you?"

"Who am I?" the pegasus asked. She then unzipped her skin, revealing a pink earth pony with a curly dark pink mane and tail, blue eyes, and a cutie mark of three balloons underneath. "Sorry 'bout that. I'm Pinkie Pie, at your service."

"THE Pinkie Pie?" Apple Bloom asked excitedly. She tried to approach the detective, but she hopped away, leaving her bodysuit on the floor. "Miss Pie, I need your help."

"In a minute, sweetie," Pinkie replied. She ignored the young filly's pleas and reached into her saddle bag, then hopped away joyously away.

Twilight began to get impatient and stomped up to her. "Hey, Pie-for-Brains! The filly needs your help! The least you could do is..."

"Hold this please, little Miss Celestia's-Student-Impatient-Pants," Pinkie replied, handing her an item from her saddle bag. "Sheesh, you go to the zebra homeland, and suddenly you think you can boss ponies around." Twilight screamed as she noticed that the item was a gun. Pinkie then took it back from her.

"Hey, my NAME is Twilight Sparkle, and I don't boss ponies around...wait a second, how the hay did you know I was a student of Princess Celestia?" Twilight asked. "And that I had been to the zebra homeland?"

"Forget that, where did you get that totally realistic pony skin?" Spike asked, pointing to the bodysuit still on the floor.

"To answer the young dragon's question first, I made a bodysuit of everypony in town so I can use them for undercover work," Pinkie explained as she picked the bodysuit up and hung it back up in a nearby closet. "I knew that Derpy Hooves was out of town for the week for a mailpony conference in Trottingham, so I could use my Derpy suit without anypony noticing." She then took a bullet out of her saddle bag and loaded it into the gun. "And as for how I knew that Twilight was a student of Princess Celestia, it's easy; not only do you have a baby dragon for a companion/secretary, which only the Princess' highest-regarded pupils receive, but his right wrist has splashes of ink on it...an ink made of a rare type of henna, easily noted for its rich reddish-brown hue and its odd scent, found only in the zebra homeland." Pinkie then picked up three cushions and threw them at Twilight, who caught them on her horn.

"That's incredible," Twilight replied, her voice muffled by the cushions.

"Actually, it's elementary, my dear Twilight." Pinkie cocked the gun and pointed it at the cushions. Twilight panicked, used her magic to transport the cushions onto the floor, then grabbed Spike and Apple Bloom and dragged them behind a chair as Pinkie shot the gun into the cushions, feathers flying everywhere.

Upon hearing the gunshot, Cup Cake ran back into the main room. "What in the wide world of Equestria...?" She shrieked as she saw the feathers. "My good cushions!" She glared at Pinkie, who was dusting some feathers off of her chair. "Pinkie! I told you not to..."

"Aw, it's OK, Mrs. Cake, I'll buy you some new cushions," Pinkie replied, trying to calm the older mare down. She sniffed the air. "Mmm, I think I smell some of those yummy double chocolate cupcakes you make so well. Why don't you go frost a few and bring them to our friends here?"

Cup Cake laughed nervously. "Of course, Pinkie, dearie. I'll be right back." She went back into the kitchen. Pinkie shut the door behind her with a big grin on her face, then turned back. "OK, that bullet's here somewhere." She came up to Apple Bloom, who held it in her hoof. "Oh, thanks, little..."

"Apple Bloom."

"Right, right, Apple-something." Pinkie hopped over to the chemistry set. She opened a drawer and pulled out another bullet. She put both under a microscope and observed them, comparing them. "Uh-huh...yes...yes..." Suddenly, she saw that the bullets didn't match. "NOOOOOOOOOOO! Rats!" The pony detective became depressed, the curls in her mane and tail flattening. "Awww, and I almost had him!" She sadly walked over to her chair and slumped into it. Then, she grabbed a nearby harmonica and started playing a blues song on it.

"OK, she's nuts, let's go," Spike spoke up.

"No, Spike, I need Pinkie's help findin' Applejack!" Apple Bloom refused. She walked up to the depressed pony. "Now will ya please listen to me? My big sister is gone, and I need help findin' her!"

Pinkie took the harmonica out of her mouth. "Oh, sweetie, this isn't really a good time." She saw how unhappy Apple Bloom was. "But don't worry. I'm sure your mommy and daddy must know where she is." She went back to playing her harmonica.

"I don't HAVE a mommy or daddy," Apple Bloom replied.

Pinkie gasped so hard she almost swallowed her harmonica. "Well, maybe..." She frowned. "No, no, I'm too busy to help find lost sisters."

"I didn't lose her, she was taken by a griffon!" Apple Bloom shot back.

Pinkie blinked. "Did...you just say a GRIFFON took your sister?"

"Uh-huh."

"Did she have a broken wing?"

"I...I didn't notice...but she had a peg leg!"

"AHA!" Pinkie cried out, her mane and tail recurling.

"Is she a friend of yours?" Twilight asked.

"Hardly," Pinkie replied. "That griffon...whose name is Gilda, by the way...works for the exact same criminal who I was trying to catch earlier. My worstest enemy. The nefarious...DISCORD!" She pointed to a portrait of a draconequus hanging by the fire. Lightning appeared out of nowhere and thunder rolled as the portrait seemed to change expression to a nasty grin.

"WHOA!" Spike yelped. "Dude, that's creepy!"

"I've read about Discord," Twilight recalled. "He's the spirit of chaos and disharmony. He goes around spreading havoc everywhere."

"Not only that, but he's an evil genius criminal mastermind!" Pinkie replied. "He's the biggest mean meanie pants in all of Equestria! I've been trying to catch him for years, and every time I get close he slips away from me! Not one corner of Equestria is safe while Discord's at large. There isn't an evil scheme he wouldn't concoct! No deprav...deprov..."

"Depravity?" Twilight guessed.

"Thank you...no that thing he wouldn't commit! Who knows what horrible plan that jerk is plotting even as we speak?"

**Dun dun duuuuuuuun! Sorry, I just LOVE dramatic music!**

**I apologize if/that Pinkie came off as OOC when she was brushing off Apple Bloom...I was trying to blend her natural hyper behavior (i.e. she would be so excited about finally catching Discord that she'd disregard AB) and Basil's rather jerkish behavior from the movie, but I think I may have added a little too much jerk...aw, we'll just pretend that it's the ponies putting on a play and engrossing themselves into the roles! ;)**

**Yeah, yeah, I know that as of the newest MLP:FIM episode "Keep Calm and Flutter On" (which IMO was the best episode of Season 3 thus far), Discord is a good guy (or at least a neutral character) and so would not be a criminal mastermind...but y'know what, I started this fanfic before KCaFO came out, so I'm still sticking with my casting choices. If you don't like that, that's fine and feel free to comment about it, but please be civil when voicing your issues. **

**And yes, sadly, as of "Apple Family Reunion," the Apple siblings' parents have been declared as deceased by the creators (the scene where AJ is talking about everypony being at the reunion, the two shooting stars she sees are supposed to be her parents)...now not only do I want to hug Apple Bloom, I wanna hug Applejack, Big Macintosh AND Granny Smith in one big Apple family group hug! **

**Next chapter, we meet Discord and learn of his dastardly plans for Applejack. Stay tuned!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	4. Equestria's Greatest Criminal Mind

**Hola, amigos! Here's the newest chapter of "The Pink Pony Detective." Please read and enjoy!**

Meanwhile, in a dark cave outside of the Equestrian capital of Canterlot, Applejack was sitting at a table, chained to its leg, as she worked on building two figures made of wood, one a bit larger than the other. She was hammering in a nail on the smaller structure when she heard a chuckle from behind her. She turned to face her captor, who was grinning evilly as he watched her work.

"Quite an ingenious scheme, is it not, Applejack?" Discord asked the pony. He pinched her cheek. "And aren't you just proud to be a part of it?"

Applejack gulped. "This whole thing is...it's WRONG! Sick and wrong!"

"We WILL have our little devices ready by tomorrow evening, won't we?" Discord asked. He snapped his fingers and a small silver bell appeared in his hand. "You know the consequences should you fail me."

Applejack frowned. "I don't care!" She turned with her backside to the structures, lifted her back legs and bucked them both. The two structures slammed against a wall, smashing into bits. Just then, an oil gasket she had installed inside one of the structures exploded, splashing ink all over the place, including onto Discord and Applejack.

Discord frowned as he snapped his fingers and the oil cleaned off of him. "I don't care WHAT you do to me, buster!" Applejack told him, poking him in the stomach with her hoof. "I ain't gonna be a part of this evil plan no more!" She turned away from Discord and humphed.

The draconequus glared at the pony, then shrugged. "Fine, fine, do whatever you want, Miss Applejack. I don't care one way or another." He started out of the cave, then paused. "Oh, by the way, I'm taking the liberty of having your little sister brought here."

Applejack's heart stopped. "Apple Bloom?"

"That's right." Discord made the toy that Applejack had made for Apple Bloom appear on the table. "And I don't know about you, but I'd HATE to see anything unfortunate happen to such an innocent little filly."

Applejack turned to face the draconequus, glaring green daggers at him. "You wouldn't DARE!"

SMASH! Discord slammed his fist against the toy, breaking it into tiny pieces. The head of the tiny green worm fell off and bounced off the table, hitting Applejack's hoof. She picked it up and stared at it for a second. "FINISH IT, APPLEJACK!" Discord shouted at her.

Applejack's lips quivered as tears filled her eyes. "Y-Yes, sir." She went back to the now-broken structures and began rebuilding them.

* * *

Discord strolled out of the cave, humming to himself as he wrote some things down on a scroll. "Oh, I love it when I'm nasty!" he chuckled to himself. Then, he came across his griffon henchman, curled up in a ball, napping. "Oh, Gilda." The griffon ignored him. "GIIIIIIIL-DAAAAAA!" The griffon shrieked and woke up. "Ah, so good so see you as bright and alert as usual," Discord snickered snidely. He handed her the scroll. "Here's the list. You know what to do, and NO mistakes!"

"Right, right, no mistakes," Gilda replied grumpily. She read the list. "Tools, gears, filly, uniforms..."

"NOW, Gilda!" Discord yelled at her.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm goin', I'm goin'," Gilda responded. She rolled her eyes. "Sheesh, keep your horns on, dude."

"What was that?"

"Nothin'." With that, Gilda left the cave and ran off for town.

* * *

As the young griffon headed out, Discord went into the main cave, where the rest of his minions were waiting for him, cheering him on. Among them were three Diamond Dogs, two yellow unicorns with red and white striped hair, green eyes and cutie marks of apple slices, a blue unicorn with a white mane and tail, purple eyes and a cutie mark of a magic wand and sparkles, and a white unicorn with a yellow mane and tail, blue eyes and a cutie mark of a compass rose. The minions all gathered around their boss as he sat upon his makeshift throne, except for the white unicorn, who was too busy trying to get the last drop of apple cider out of his glass to pay attention.

"My friends," Discord announced to the minions. "We are about to embark on the most odious, the most evil, the most diabolical scheme of my illustrious career...a crime to end all crimes, a crime that will live in infamy!" The minions cheered.

Discord continued as he made a newspaper appear. "Tomorrow evening is the Grand Galloping Gala, where our beloved princesses shall make their annual speech. And, with the enthusiastic help of our good friend Miss Applejack, it promises to be a night neither of them will forget." He used his magic to make the paper burst into flame. "Their LAST night, and my FIRST, as supreme ruler of all of Equestria!"

The minions all cheered. Discord then snapped his fingers to make it rain champagne. The white unicorn smiled and lay on his back, lapping up the rain. "You all know of my many great accomplishments."

"You mean like the Fillydelphia caper?" one of the yellow unicorns asked.

"Or the Appleloosa job, making all those poor little buffalo cry like baby calves?" the other yellow unicorn added.

"Excellent remembering, Flim."

"Why thank you, Flam."

"Trixie thinks that a better instance of our glorious leader's villainy would be the Baltimare scandal, where he drowned the widows and orphans," the blue unicorn spoke up.

"Yes, all fine crimes for their times," Discord agreed. "But now that I'm at it again, I've come up with something even WORSE."

"Worse than drowning widows and orphans?" one of the Diamond Dogs asked. "Well, only a genius as yourself would come up with such a plan, oh mighty Discord!"

"For surely, you are the smartest..." Flim began.

"...the most dastardly..." Flam added.

"...and the most DASHING criminal mastermind in all of Equestria," Trixie finished.

Discord sat down at a harp and began strumming it. The lights in the cave became blue. "Why, thank you, all...but it hasn't all been cotton candy and chocolate milk, you know. I've had my share of adversity, thanks to that miserable second-rate detective Pinkie Pie of Sugar Cube Corner!" He pointed to a voodoo doll of the aforementioned detective, full of needles. The minions all booed. "For years, that insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans, and I haven't had a moment's peace of mind!" Suddenly, the lights turned red. "But, that's all in the past. This time, nothing, not even Pinkie can stand in my way! All will bow before ME!"

"Of course they will, oh mighty Discord!" another Diamond Dog chimed in.

"Because you are Equestria's greatest draconequus!" the white unicorn hiccuped, completely drunk.

Discord stopped in his tracks. The others gasped. "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!" the draconequus yelled at the unicorn, who just looked up at him, smiling in his drunken stupor, unaware that he had just majorly hit his boss' berserk button.

"Oh, he didn't mean it, Discord," Flim tried to interject.

"Yes, it was just a slip of the tongue," Trixie agreed.

"I AM NOT A DRACONEQUUS!" Discord screamed, grabbing the unicorn by the nape of the neck and dangling him in the air.

"Of course you aren't, you're a pony," Flam reacted quickly.

"Yes, yes, that's right, you're a pony," Flim agreed.

"Yes, a different-looking pony," Trixie finished, but their appeasement didn't work.

"SILENCE!" Discord threw the white unicorn out of the cave. "Oh, my dear Blueblood, I'm afraid that you've gone and upset me." He made the silver bell reappear in his paw. "You know what happens when somepony upsets me." The others gasped as Discord rang the bell. They watched as a gigantic blue bear made of stars with yellow and red eyes stomped up to where Blueblood was laying, blissfully unaware of what was going on. The bear picked Blueblood up...

GULP! The other minions flinched as the bear swallowed Blueblood whole. Discord went up to the bear and patted its head. "Oh, Ursy-Wursy, my widdle baby. Did Daddy's widdle honey bear enjoy her tasty treat?" The bear belched into his face, making him gag. "I'll take that as a "yes"...and as a sign that I should brush your teeth more." He turned back to his minions. "I trust that there will be no further interruptions?" They all nodded. "Good. And now, you were all kissing my flank, I believe?"

"Um, yes..." Flim began. "What a privelege it is to work for such a brilliant criminal mind as yourself!"

"We can think of no other who we'd rather work for," Flam continued his brother's statement.

"For nopony is more intelligent or ruthless as you," Trixie stated.

"You, Discord, truly are Equestria's greatest criminal mind!" they all concluded.

Discord grinned. "That's more like it."

**DANG, Discord is one nasty character, ain't he? When I was writing this, I kept flipping from reading his lines with John de Lancie's voice to hearing them with Vincent Price's voice...gah, they're both so totally awesome and made of win, it's too hard to concentrate on just one voice!**

**I know that there would be a totally awesome villain song here, but I was told a while back that you can't put paraphrased lyrics of copyright songs into your fanfics...not sure why songfics are exempt, but whatever, I don't want to risk getting in trouble and having to take down this story, because I'm having too much fun writing it!**

**Poor Blueblood. Wait, I never liked that royal brat. Let me rephrase my previous statement; _au revoir_, Prince Flankhead! I hope you die slowly and painfully as Ursa digests you, MWAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, I'm evil, so what?**

**Yes, the Ursa Minor is a girl. Based on my limited knowledge of Latin,"Ursa" is the female form of the word for bear (I believe the male form would be "Ursus," but don't quote me on that.) **

**Thanks for reading, fellow bronies and GMD freaks! Hope to see you all again soon for the next chap, in which Pinkie and the gang meet up with Gummy and head out on the case.**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	5. Meeting Gummy

**And on the seventh day, Celestia said, "Let there be a new chapter of "The Pink Pony Detective!""...and there was. **

"This is a very interesting case," Pinkie spoke as she paced back and forth. "It has many twists and turns, a lot of odd elements and such." She turned to face Apple Bloom. "You're sure you told me everything? Even the teeniest, teeny-tiny detail could be important!"

"Yeah, I told ya everythin'," Apple Bloom replied. "An' then after all of that, my sister was gone!"

"What do you make of it, Pinkie Pie?" Spike asked.

Pinkie blew into a bubble pupe as she hummed. "Discord is up to something! A most ingenious and dastardly crime, I'll bet!" She paced to a window, followed closely by Apple Bloom. "The million bit question is, what does we want with an apple farmer/woodworker?" Pinkie blew on her pipe again, leaving Apple Bloom by herself by the window.

Suddenly, Gilda peered into the window, looking straight at Apple Bloom with a mean grin on her face. The filly screamed. "IT'S THE GRIFFON!" The others turned to see Gilda running away from the window.

"C'mon, Twilight, we don't have a moment to lose!" Pinkie urged the unicorn.

"Right behind you, Pinkie!" Twilight replied, galloping after the pink pony, Spike on her back. However, by the time they got outside, Gilda was gone.

"She...she VANISHED!" Spike noted. "Gone without a trace!"

"Not quite, Spike," Pinkie denied, staring at the ground. There were muddy tracks of two eagle talons, a lion paw and a peg. "She left an odd set of footprints. They definitely belong to the same griffon who took the apple farmer...Discord's little griffon minion!"

Twilight then saw one of Gilda's feathers on the ground. "Hey, Pinkie...?"

Pinkie looked over to where Twilight was pointing and observed the feather underneath her magnifying glass. "AHA! Great work, Twilight!" She headed back into Sugar Cube Corner with her new helpers behind her.

Inside, Cup Cake stood beside Apple Bloom and patted her head. "Don't you worry, dearie, there's nothing to be afraid of." Pinkie bolted past them, making Cup Cake frown.

"Don't worry, Gilda's gone," Twilight told the filly.

"But not for long, Apple Blossom!" Pinkie added.

"Apple BLOOM!"

"Whatever. Now all we have to do is follow Gilda until she leads us to where Discord has our missing farmer friend," Pinkie continued.

"Then you'll get my sister back?" Apple Bloom asked, running up to Pinkie and hugging her.

"Uh-huh," Pinkie replied, pushing the filly away. "And very soon, if I'm not mistaken. Now come on, Twilight, Spike, we must now head to Gummy's."

"Gummy's?" Twilight and Spike asked in unison.

"Oh, you HAVE to meet him!" Pinkie responded. "He's just the kind of guy we need for the job!"

"And you want US to come with you?" Spike asked.

"Sure! I thought you two, having spent so much time in the zebra homeland, would LEAP at the chance for adventure!" Upon saying the word "leap," Pinkie elbowed Twilight in the ribs.

"Well, I AM really curious," Twilight admitted. She turned to the dragon. "What do you think, Spike? You game?"

"Sure, I'm game," Spike agreed. "Let's go!"

"Wait for me! I'm coming, too!" Apple Bloom spoke up, trotting up to them.

"No no no no no, this is dangerous business, no place for a filly," Pinkie interjected.

Apple Bloom ignored the detective and began stuffing some of Cup Cake's cupcakes into her saddle bag. "How're we gonna get to Gummy's? We gonna walk or take a cab?"

"Apple Bloom, sweetie, I don't think you understand," Pinkie told the filly. "It's going to be VERY dangerous!" She stepped back a bit, unaware of where she was stepping. She heard a crunch under her hoof and turned back to see that she had just stepped on and broken her harmonica to pieces.

"Wha...da...look at..." Pinkie growled, her face turning red for a second, then she grinned and her face went back to its natural color. "Young filly...you are NOT coming with us, and that! Is! FINAL!"

* * *

Later, the group was heading into the Everfree Forest. Pinkie peeked her head through a tall shrub...and Apple Bloom poked her head next to her.

"And I don't wanna hear a WORD outta you, got it?" Pinkie told the filly. Apple Bloom nodded her head. "Good." So they went through the shrub, followed by Twilight and Spike. As they trekked through the forest near a stream, Pinkie called for her friend. "Gummy! Gummy, where are you?"

As they walked, Apple Bloom tapped Spike's shoulder. The dragon turned to the filly, who whispered to him, "Who's Gummy?"

Spike blinked, then turned to Twilight. "Who's Gummy?"

"Well, Gummy is a...um...he's...well..." Twilight frowned, then turned to Pinkie. "Hey, Pinkie, who IS Gummy?"

Just then, there was a splash. "There he is now!" Pinkie called out, pointing to a large alligator that had surfaced and was now on land, smiling and wagging his tail like a dog as he saw the detective. "Gummy, this is Twilight and Spike. Twilight and Spike, Gummy."

Twilight looked at the alligator. "Um...hello?"

"H-Hey, there, fellow reptile," Spike added. Gummy growled at the two of them, making them scream and run in the other direction.

"Gummy!" Pinkie scolded the alligator. "That's NOT how we behave around guests!" She turned towards her friends. "Sorry 'bout that, guys."

Twilight and Spike peeked through a nearby bush. "You're telling me that Gummy is an ALLIGATOR?!" Twilight asked.

"Yup. I hatched him from an egg and trained him. He has the best sense of smell of any animal ever, but he can get REALLY frisky at times."

Gummy went up to Apple Bloom, who smiled. "Hiya, Gummy!" The alligator sniffed her mane, making her giggle. "Ya silly gator! Hey, d'ya want a cupcake?" Gummy nodded. Apple Bloom reached into her saddle bag and took out a cupcake and held it up. Gummy licked it off of her hand and smiled as he swallowed.

"Now, Gummy," Pinkie spoke up, reaching into her saddle bag. "I need..." She turned and saw Gummy lying on his back. Apple Bloom was perched on his tummy, tickling him with her hooves and making him smile and pant. "A-HEM!" Pinkie coughed, getting the alligator's attention. Apple Bloom hopped off of the alligator and landed next to Twilight.

"Now, Gummy, I need you to find..." Pinkie whipped out Gilda's feather. "...THIS fiend!" Gummy sniffed the feather. "That's right, boy...sniff it up...just picture her...cruel eyes, mean smile, broken wing..." Gummy eyed her oddly. "Oh, she's a peglegged griffon with a broken wing. OK, you got her scent?" Gummy nodded. "Good boy, Gummy! OK, Apple Wood."

"Apple BLOOM!" Apple Bloom, Twilight and Spike all corrected her at the same time.

"Whatever." Pinkie got onto Gummy's back. "Your sister is as good as found. Gummy...SIC 'ER!" Gummy ran off, with Pinkie on his back. "TALLY HO!"

Twilight, Apple Bloom and Spike all ran after them. "Pinkie! Wait! We're not on the alligator!"

* * *

It was nightfall when Gummy and the others got into Canterlot, where Gilda was "shopping" for supplies. Gummy sniffed at the ground, then caught a strong scent and dashed off.

"This sure is exciting, huh, Twilight?" Pinkie asked, gripping onto Gummy's back. Apple Bloom had a grip on the pink pony's waist.

Twilight, meanwhile, had a grip on the alligator's tail to prevent herself from falling off, and Spike was gripping onto her. "Yeah, GREAT," the unicorn replied sarcastically. "Just GREAT."

"Woo-hoo! Our griffon friend can't be too far away now!" Pinkie cheered.

* * *

Meanwhile, Berry Punch, a magenta pony with a dark fuschia mane and tail, purple eyes and a cutie mark of grapes and a strawberry, was sitting at a Canterlot cafe, enjoying a tall glass of cider. Then, she saw a big alligator go by the cafe, with two earth ponies on its back and a unicorn and a dragon gripping its tail. "Ya-a-a-ah! Pinkie Pie, make him slow down!" the unicorn cried out.

Berry blinked, then looked at the cider in her hoof. "OK, I think I've had enough for tonight," she told herself, pouring out the contents of the glass on the ground.

**Hee hee, poor Berry! Background pony cameos FTW!**

**Yeah, to make this work I had to enlarge Gummy by many sizes. He's just too cute! And as you can tell, I know next to nothing about alligators, whether or not they have a good sense of smell or how fast they can run or anything. All I know is, you probably DON'T want to feed one a cupcake unless you're willing to potentially lose your hand...but since Gummy has no teeth, our pony pals should be fine. **

**Pinkie: (sniffs sadly) Why are you making me such a jerk to Apple Bloom? I LOVE kids!**

**I know, Pinkie, I know, but in order for the story to go right you have to be a little bit of a jerk. But don't worry, all your fans know that you're really a sweet pony. (huggles her)**

**Pinkie: Aww, thanks, Princess! I feel better now!**

**Next chapter, the ponies run into Gilda as she's "shopping." What will happen? You'll see!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess. **


	6. The Toy Store of Doom

**What's the word, hummingbird? Ready for a brand new chapter of "The Pink Pony Detective?" Here it is!**

Meanwhile, in a tailor's shop/toy store, Gilda had broken in and was snatching some uniforms that the tailor had made for Princess Celestia's royal guards. Once she'd stowed them in her bag, she took out the list that Discord had given her and read it. "Get the following; tools...check. Gears...check. Filly...not yet. Uniforms...double check. I got plenty of uniforms!"

Suddenly, there was a growl from outside. Gilda squawked to see Gummy outside. "Uh-oh, gotta hide!" She ran into the toy area, unaware that she had left her list behind.

* * *

Gummy stopped in front of the store. Pinkie got off of the alligator's back. "Good boy, Gummy!" Apple Bloom held out her forehooves to Pinkie, a pleading look in her eyes. Pinkie sighed and held out her forehooves and caught the filly as she jumped. Then, she set Apple Bloom down and the two trotted off together.

Twilight and Spike climbed down the alligator. Once on land, Gummy growled at them. Twilight smiled awkwardly and ran after Pinkie, Spike on her back.

Pinkie smiled. "Now, Gummy, sit!" The alligator just looked at her. "Gummy, sit!"

"Sit, Gummy!" Apple Bloom commanded sweetly. Gummy obeyed the filly, making Pinkie eye her oddly. "Umm...good boy? Excuse me." She hopped closer to the store.

"You be a good boy, Gummy," Apple Bloom told the smiling alligator. "We're really close to findin' my sister!" She went off to be with the adults.

Pinkie observed the door. There were no signs of a break-in whatsoever. "OK, how'd she get in?" She hummed as she looked over the door and windows. Then, she saw the answer. "AHA! THIS is our friend's entrance!" She pointed to a tiny hole in the window.

"Pinkie, Gilda is a full-grown griffon," Twilight reminded her. "How the hay could she fit through that tiny hole?"

"Observe, my dear Twilight," Pinkie replied. She took Spike's hand and shoved his finger into the hole. "OK, Spikey, pull." Spike obeyed, and the window pulled open.

Spike whistled. "Gosh, Pinkie Pie, you're amazing!"

"SHH!" Pinkie hushed him. She crawled in through the window, followed by Twilight and Apple Bloom. Spike was dead last and closed the window behind him.

As the group crept quietly through the store, Twilight bumped into what she thought was another pony. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." Then, she noticed that it was a dress mannequin. "WHOA!" She looked around the room. "I don't think I've ever SEEN so many dresses and toys all in one place before in my life!"

"Behind any of which could be a psycho assassin," Pinkie reminded her, appearing from a basket, wearing a green dress. "So, please, Twilight, be VERY careful!" She slipped out of the basket and the dress and snuck off. The rest followed her cautiously.

At one point, as Pinkie and Twilight snuck very close together, there was a loud blast of music. Both ponies screamed. Twilight jumped into Pinkie's forelegs, shivering. They turned to see that Apple Bloom had turned on a loud music box and was watching it play.

"HEY!" Pinkie yelled. She set Twilight down, ran over and turned the music box off. "PLEEEASE...quiet!" She turned to Twilight and Spike. "DON'T let this filly out of your sight!" Twilight and Spike both stood at attention and saluted.

Apple Bloom smiled and saluted with her friends. "OK, AB, let's stay close together, all right?" Spike asked. The filly nodded and followed them quietly. Unbeknownst to them, Gilda was watching, and as they got closer to where she was she dashed off quickly.

Just then, Pinkie saw something on the floor. "AHA!" She pointed to the tracks. "Evidence of our peglegged enemy!" She followed the tracks to the abandoned mannequins. "Huh, that's weird."

"What is it, Pinkie?" Twilight asked.

"Isn't it obvious? These mannequins have been stripped of their outfits!" Pinkie replied. Then, she looked over. "Hell-o." She wandered over to some life-sized windup pony toys that had been stripped of parts. "Somepony has taken the gears and stuff out of these toys!"

Just then, Twilight noticed the list on the floor. She used her magic to levitate it and bring it closer. "Hey, Pinkie?"

"Not now, I'm trying to concentrate," Pinkie replied.

"But, Pinkie, I..." Twilight didn't have a chance to finish. Immediately all the windup toys in the shop began to start. As the others were distracted, Apple Bloom began following a trail of bubbles, separating herself from the others. She came across a pile of stuffed animals. "Ooh." She went up to them...

"GOTCHA!" Gilda yelled, jumping out of the pile of stuffed animals. Apple Bloom screamed, gaining the others' attention. "APPLE BLOOM!" Twilight and Spike yelled in unison.

Gilda grabbed the filly and shoved her into her bag. Then, she took off.

"C'mon, guys, we gotta catch her!" Pinkie urged her friends. They ran off after Gilda...but were forced to run the other way when the griffon pushed a large box of needles in front of them. "Look out!" They ran as to not be pricked by the needles.

Then, Gilda pushed a large bicycle in their way. Pinkie and Twilight both jumped out of its path. Spike was not so lucky. "Twilight! HEEEEEELP!" he called out as the rogue bike carried him off.

"Spike!" Twilight called for her dragon friend, running after him. "Hang on, I'm coming!" CRASH! Gilda threw a cymbal on top of her head. Twilight was knocked out by the blow, and Spike crashed into a pile of sticky toy putty, stuck.

"Buh-bye, lameos!" Gilda called after them as she tried to escape through the window, but was stopped by Gummy growling at her. She quickly ran away from the window and headed for a large heating grate.

"Stop, you fiend!" Pinkie cried out, running after Gilda. The griffon climbed up a pile of blocks leading to the grate, followed by the pony. Gilda, once she reached the grate, kicked the blocks over, making them crash to the ground, with Pinkie in tow. The griffon laughed and climbed into the grate, carrying the squirming bag with her.

"Help!" Apple Bloom cried from inside the bag. "Pinkie! Twilight! Spike! Somepony, HELP!"

"Aw, shut up, you little dweeb!" Gilda told the filly. She ran off to Discord's cave, humming as she did.

* * *

Twilight woke up and rubbed her head. "Twilight!" she heard Spike calling her. She gasped and ran to where the baby dragon was stuck to the putty. She used her magic to clean him up and the two ran off together, calling "Pinkie! Pinkie!"

"I'm here!" the detective cried. They ran to see Pinkie under a pile of blocks. "Get these things off of me! They're a lot heavier than they look!"

Twilight used her magic to unbury the pony. "Apple Bloom! Where is she?"

"She's GONE, Twilight!" Pinkie cried. "DANG IT! I told you to watch her!" She got back to her hooves and started ranting as Twilight flinched. "Now she's been taken by that insane griffon, soon to be in the clutches of the most depraved mind in all of Equestria! I should've known better than to..."

Pinkie paused when she heard crying. She turned to face Twilight, who had her head down and was sobbing. Spike was hugging her. "Twilight? What's wrong?"

"Poor little Apple Bloom," Twilight wept. "You're right, I should have been watching her better. It's my fault that she's gone!" The unicorn continued sobbing. Spike glared at Pinkie.

Pinkie felt bad. "Hey, it's OK, Twilight. It's not TOTALLY your fault...Spike's to blame, too!"

"HEY!" the dragon shot back.

Pinkie sighed. "...and I should've helped watch her, too." She patted the unicorn's back. "But don't worry, we'll get her back."

Twilight sniffed. "You think?"

"I KNOW."

"So there's really a chance?" Spike asked.

"There's ALWAYS a chance, Spike," Pinkie replied, reloading her bubble pipe. "As long as one can think." She blew into her bubble pipe and paced, thinking.

Twilight sighed. Then, she remembered that she had Gilda's list in her saddle bag. She took the list out and read it aloud. "Get the following: tools...gears...filly...uniforms."

Pinkie snatched the list away and looked at it. She smiled. "Twilight, you've done it! This list is EXACTLY what we need!" She ran off to the front door. "Hurry! Back to Sugar Cube Corner!"

**Ooh, Pinkie's onto something big! This is going to be great!**

**C'mon, don't lie, most of you wanted to huggle Twilight just now. I know I did! And Pinkie trying to cheer her up was too gosh darn adorable for words. Detective Pinkie is not good with other ponies!**

**Next chapter, Apple Bloom and Applejack are reunited, and Discord learns that Pinkie is on the case. How will this affect everything? Find out soon!**

**Thank you for reading! Please R&R!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	7. Discord's New Plan

**Howdy, y'all! Hope you're as excited about the new chapter of "The Pink Pony Detective" as I am!**

Applejack had finished hammering together the frames for the devices and was starting to add the mechanical appliances. Suddenly, the door to her prison opened. She turned to face the door.

"Ah, Miss Applejack," Discord greeted her, snickering. Applejack frowned. "Allow me to present...your ADORABLE little sister!" The draconequus stepped out of the way to reveal Gilda holding Apple Bloom by the tail in her beak.

Applejack gasped. "Apple Bloom!"

"Applejack!" Apple Bloom cried out ecstatically. She kicked Gilda in the face, making her let go of her. "OW! Stupid brat!"

Once she was free, Apple Bloom ran into her sister's outstretched forelegs for a gigantic hug. "Oh, AJ! I thought I'd never see ya again!" She started crying as Applejack hugged her tightly. "Shh. There, there, AB, I'm all right. Oh, I was so worried 'bout my li'l sis. I missed ya so much, kiddo."

"I missed ya, too!"

Discord sniffed, feigning emotion. "Oh, isn't this so SWEET, Gilda?" he asked his minion, who was rubbing her face where Apple Bloom had kicked her.

"Yeah, I'm getting a cavity," Gilda replied dryly.

Discord made a box of tissues appear and pulled one out to blow his nose. "Oh, I just LOVE tearful family reunions!" He gently grabbed onto Apple Bloom's tail. "Now, come along, my dear." He pulled her out of Applejack's grasp and handed her to Gilda, all while the filly pleaded and called to her sister, "Please, no! APPLEJACK!"

"APPLE BLOOM!" Applejack called back as Discord held her back. "Oh, PLEASE, Mr. Discord, sir!"

"Now, now, no need to get upset," Discord assured her. "I'll be sure that Gilda takes VERY good care of little Apple Bloom." He frowned. "That is, as long as we have no further delays!"

"Yes, yes, I'll finish your devices, I swear I will!" Applejack promised. "Just PLEASE, don't hurt my sister!"

"Remember..." Discord replied, heading out the door. "...they must be ready TONIGHT!" He slammed the door as he left. Applejack sighed, defeated, as she started back on working on the devices.

* * *

Gilda dragged Apple Bloom over to a large metal birdcage. "STOP! Lemme go, ya ugly ol' bird freak!" the filly demanded as the griffon shoved her into the cage, locking the door behind her. "HELP! Lemme out! Lemme out!" She banged her hooves against the bars of the cage.

"Let's see how ya like THAT, dweeb!" Gilda replied. She blew a raspberry at the filly, then walked away with her back turned over to where Discord was, going through the bag that she had brought back with her.

"Tools...gears...uniforms! PERFECT! Oh, Gilda, I knew I could count on you!" The draconequus chuckled. "Now, you're CERTAIN you didn't forget anything?"

"No sweat, I got it all," Gilda responded confidently. "Everything that was on the list." She reached into her bag to get the list, but realized that it wasn't there. "Oh, boy..."

"What's wrong?" Discord asked, folding his mismatched arms over his chest. "Where is the list?"

"Uh, the list," Gilda tried to figure out what to tell her boss. "Y'see, I was out getting the uniforms and stuff, when I heard this growling noise..." She imitated Gummy, flattening herself onto the floor and moving around like he did.

Discord slapped his lion paw against his face. "Gilda, you are making ZERO sense."

"This huge alligator came by the store, and I ran," Gilda explained. "I was in the pile of stuffed animals, I stuffed the kid in the bag, and Pinkie chased me!"

"WHAT?!" Discord exploded. "PINKIE PIE is on the case?! You blithering idiot! How could you...I mean, how...what...the...dur...GAH!" He was so angry he could barely form words. His face turned red for a minute, then he took a deep breath and started laughing. "Oh, my dear, DEAR Gilda, I think you have been squawking too hard, it's affected your brain." He gently picked the griffon up in his arms and patted her head.

"Wait, you ain't mad?" Gilda asked, relieved. "Wow, boss, I'm glad you're taking this so well."

Discord grinned, then dropped the griffon onto the floor. He made the bell appear and rang it. Gilda screamed as Ursa came and picked her up. "No, no, no, no, no! Lemme go, you stupid star-ball!" Ursa ignored the griffon's pleas as she shoved her into her mouth. "OW! Lemme out! I don't wanna end up like Blueblood! Oh boy, sharp teeth, sharp teeth!"

As Gilda struggled to free herself from the bear's cavernous maw, Discord rubbed his temples in frustration. "Grr, Pinkie Pie! How DARE that little idiot poke her stupid snout into my brilliant scheme and mess everything up! Ooh, I can just SEE that insufferable grin on that smug pink face of hers!" He slammed his head against a cave wall, with such force that the cave actually vibrated a little. He buried his face into his hands...then got an idea. "Yes. Yes, I can JUST SEE it." He chuckled. "Ursa, let Gilda go." Ursa frowned, but spat the griffon out, now covered in saliva.

"YUCK!" Gilda reacted. "It smelled like a sewer in there! Do you EVER brush that bear's teeth?"

Discord ignored her question, instead picking her up by the head, cupping her face in his hands. "Gilda, you delightful little maniac! In your screw up, you've inadvertently given me a rare and golden opportunity." He dropped Gilda. "Poor Pinkie...she is in for a little SURPRISE." He grinned wickedly, rubbing his hands together.

**And here's where the scene would fade to black, leaving just Discord's eyes visible...GOD, that creeps me out when they do that!**

**Aww, Applejack and Apple Bloom got to be together again! I won't lie, I cried a little...REAL tears, not sarcastic villain tears! That was probably the only time in the movie that I wanted to punch Ratigan in the gut...all of his other scenes, I was squeeing too hard to be mad at him. **

**Hee hee, I just love torturing Gilda! Bitch is getting what she deserves, making Fluttershy cry like she did! And yeah, I made her a little more sarcastic and dry-humored than Fidget is in the movie, because my guess is she's probably supposed to be smarter than he is. No offense, I love Fidget, I just think that he's kind of a dummy. **

**Yes, yes, I know Discord's "you are making zero sense" line contradicts his "what fun is there in making sense" philosophy...my guess is, he enjoys when things don't make sense and screw with OTHERS, but when they don't make sense and screw with HIM, he'd enjoy it much less. **

**Next chapter, Pinkie does some more deductions and we have the infamous bar strip tease scene...stay tuned!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess. **


	8. Let Rarity Be Good to You

**Hey, guys! Well, here it is, the new chapter of "The Pink Pony Detective!" Enjoy!**

Back at Sugar Cube Corner, Pinkie was holding the list up in her forehoof and looking at it with her magnifying glass as Twilight and Spike watched. "Hmm...right now I can't deduce very much...only that the list was written with a broad-pointed quill pen, which has spattered...two, no, THREE times! The paper was made in Fillydelphia, but doesn't have a watermark. And it has..." She licked the paper. "...been gummed, it I'm not mistaken." She sniffed it. "By a griffon who has been drinking Braeburn's Delight, a cheap cider found only in the seediest of bars and taverns."

"That is amazing!" Twilight commented.

"No, not really, Twilight, we still don't know WHERE the list came from," Pinkie argued. She put the list underneath her microscope. "Maybe a closer look will shed some light." She looked through the lens. "Hmm...coal dust. Obviously the same kind of coal used in the lanterns used by miners and spelunkers in the mountain caves outside of Canterlot!" She walked away from the microscope. Spike went over to look through the lens, but Pinkie snatched the list away before he could. "HEY!"

Pinkie then took out a match, lit it, then set the list on fire. "What are you doing? Don't we need that?" Twilight asked.

"Shh, don't speak," Pinkie replied. Once the paper had been reduced to ash, she put it into a bowl and smashed it with a spoon, then poured the ashes into a beaker of clear liquid. She ran to her chemistry set and grabbed a bottle of red liquid. "It takes a steady hoof..." She poured a drop of the red liquid into the beaker, turning the clear liquid blue.

"What's she doing?" Spike asked his unicorn friend.

"I don't know, Spike, but whatever it is she obviously knows what she's doing," Twilight responded.

Pinkie then went over to a large set of tubes and turned the heat on, making a green liquid flow through towards where she'd stowed the beaker. "Uh-huh, uh-huh. Good, good. Come on, come on, come on come on come OOOOOON!" The green liquid then flowed to where the beaker was, letting out a single drop...which made the liquid explode, knocking the three down.

"AHA!" Pinkie cheered, getting back on her hooves as her companions groaned. "We did it, we did it, we did it! That reaction could only occur if the paper had been heavily exposed to carbon-bearing materials that have themselves been exposed to pressure between 45 and 60 kilobars and to temperatures ranging between 900 and 1300 degress Celsius."

"So, in other words..." Twilight figured. "...DIAMONDS?"

"Ooh, diamonds, yummy!" Spike responded, licking his chops. The little dragon loved to eat gemstones, especially diamonds.

"This proves beyond a doubt that this list came from the Canterlot Caves area," Pinkie figured, laying out a map of Equestria.

"Whoa, whoa, hold your horses there, Pinkie," Twilight told her. "How can you be one hundred percent sure about that?"

"Because it's elementary, my dear Twilight," Pinkie responded. "All we've gotta do is find some seedy bar/tavern in the only spot where the Canterlot Caves meet up with the mountain caves!"

* * *

Later that evening, Pinkie and crew had made their way to a rundown tavern in a small town outside of Canterlot. Gummy waited out of view of anypony, smiling and wagging his tail. "Stay, Gummy, stay!" Pinkie whispered to him. She walked up to the tavern, called Cherry-o's. She was wearing a grungy blue sweater, black pants, a blue hat that hid her mane, a brown tail wig, an eyepatch over her left eye and a false mustache.

"I'm not doing this, Pinkie, I feel ridiculous!" Twilight fumed.

"Oh c'mon, Twilight, you look GREAT!" Pinkie told the unicorn. She was wearing a skimpy red dress, black fishnet stockings, red highheel shoes, a black wig over her mane and tail and gold hoop earrings.

Twilight frowned, her ears flat against her head. "If by _**great**_, you mean absolutely foalish, then yes, I agree with you, I look SPECTACULAR."

"Hey, you got NOTHING to complain about, sister," Spike replied. He was wearing a costume that made him look like a tan pony with a black mane and tail and brown eyes. "Why do I have to dress like this? I can't even SEE anything with this costume on!"

"Because if everypony saw that you were a dragon, they'd get suspicious, so you have to disguise yourself like you were a pony, DUH," Pinkie responded. "Now zip it and follow me." She opened the door to the tavern, where a spectacle was going on. Ponies everywhere were drinking cider, playing cards and flirting with mares. "OK, now stay close and do EXACTLY what I do." She saundered over to a vacant table, followed quickly by Twilight, who made the exact same steps as Pinkie did. Spike just sat on Twilight's back. "This isn't going to end well."

Along the way, Twilight almost got hit with a flying dart, which landed not too far from her hooves. She backed up right into another mare. "Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am. Completely unintentional, I assure you." The mare responded by licking a lollipop and sticking it onto Twilight's face. "HEY! How rude!"

Pinkie grabbed her companion and dragged her to the table. "Remember, Twilight, you and I are a lowlife ruffian couple, and Spike is our dwarf pony friend." She pulled the lollipop off of Twilight's face and licked it. "Mmm, boysenberry."

"Wait, why does Spike have to be a dwarf pony? Why can't he just be a foal?" Twilight asked.

Pinkie groaned. "Just go with it!"

"Fine, fine." They just sat back and watched the act onstage; a juggling mule. Once he'd finished, Twilight started clapping. However, everypony else booed. "Get off the stage, ya bum!" one stallion yelled. The mule quickly ran offstage as everypony started throwing rotten produce at him.

Just then, a cream-colored pony with a wavy dark red mane and tail, green eyes, a beauty mark on her left cheek and a cutie mark of cherries walked up to their table. "Evenin', you two. Welcome to Cherry-o's. I'm Cherry Jubilee, and I'll be takin' care of y'all tonight. What can I getcha?"

"Oh, well, I'll have a sparkling water with a twist of lime," Twilight ordered. "And...let's see...oh, Spike here will have..." Pinkie covered her mouth with her hoof before she could continue.

"Three pints of cider, for me, my gal, an' our little pal here," Pinkie spoke up, in a gruff masculine voice. "Oh, by the way, we just got into town. We're lookin' for an old friend of mine. Maybe ya know him? Goes by the name...of DISCORD!"

Upon hearing the draconequus' name, everypony in the tavern gasped. "Um...sorry, bub, never heard of him," Cherry Jubilee lied. She walked off to place their order.

As Cherry went off, another act went onstage. Two unicorn colts, one blue with an orange mane and tail and a cutie mark of scissors and the other yellow with a blue-green mane and tail, freckles and a cutie mark of a snail, who started tapdancing. The ponies immediately booed and threw produce at them.

"Gee, maybe we better get outta here, eh, Snips?" the yellow colt asked his partner.

"I'm right behind ya, Snails!" the blue colt agreed. They ran offstage together.

The pianist gulped, then decided to play a softer little number. The ponies got ready to throw produce again...just as a white unicorn with a perfectly coiffed purple mane and tail and blue eyes came onstage. She wore a pink showgirl's outfit and began to sing and dance. This got the attention of everypony, who actually enjoyed the performance.

"OK, I'm sick of this," Spike groaned. He pulled the head of his costume back so he could see...and saw the showgirl unicorn. "Oh, WOW. She's BEAUTIFUL!"

"Easy there, Romeo, we're here to look for a way to Discord's hideout, remember?" Twilight told him. Pinkie looked over to the bar, where Cherry had just whispered something to the bartender, who took out a pink bottle and put a drop of green liquid into three cups.

As the unicorn performed, every stallion (and Spike) was going wild. Just then, two pegasi, one yellow with a long pink mane and tail and blue-green eyes and the other light blue with a rainbow mane and tail and magenta eyes, flew onstage, wearing the same outfits as the unicorn. They danced behind her just as she pushed a drunken stallion offstage.

Cherry returned with a tray of drinks. "Here you go, y'all. It's...on the house." She walked away.

"Wow, that's very generous," Twilight noted, making her cup float up to her mouth with her levitation. Before she could sip, however, Pinkie grabbed it. "HEY!"

"Careful, Twilight," Pinkie told her, sniffing her cup. "These drinks have been drugged!"

"Oh, geez, thanks for catching that, Pinkie," Twilight responded. "Don't drink, Spike, it's been drugged." She squealed as she noticed that the dragon had already downed the whole cup and was now highly intoxicated.

"Wow, who knew cider could have such a bite to it?" he asked woozily. He whistled at the dancers. "YEAH! Woo-hoo! Atta baby! Shake that flank!"

"Spike, get a hold of yourself!" Twilight commanded. Spike ignored her and continued whooping at the dancers.

Just then, Pinkie heard what sounded like clomping. She turned to see Gilda moving towards the bar. "Well, well, well, if it isn't our griffon friend."

Twilight turned to look. "You're right, Pinkie, it IS Gilda! This is perfect, huh, Spike?" No answer. "Spike?" She turned and practically shrieked. "SPIKE!"

Spike was onstage, dancing with the two pegasi. The unicorn then used her magic to lift him and rub him against her cheek. Twilight smacked her hoof against her face, while Pinkie slammed her head against the table repeatedly.

Once the unicorn set Spike down, the two pegasi got to either side of him and kissed him on the cheeks. He wobbled offstage and landed on the piano keyboard.

The pianist grabbed a nearby club to smack Spike with, but the dragon ducked at the last second, and the pianist ended up hitting a large red stallion with an orange mane and tail, green eyes, freckles, and a cutie mark of a green apple with a bite out of it. The pianist gulped as the red stallion bucked him into the piano, knocking him and it clear across the room.

This started a major bar fight amongst the ponies. They started hitting and bucking one another. Pinkie and Twilight were able to crawl through the mess without getting involved. "Spike!" Twilight told him, smacking him across the face to sober him up.

"Wha..." Spike blinked, then looked around. "WHOA! What the hay is going on?"

"We've spotted Gilda," Pinkie replied. "She's over..." She looked over to where the griffon had been, but she had disappeared. "Come on, let's get out of here!" Twilight put Spike on her back, and the three made their way to where Gilda had been. There, they saw a trap door behind the bar. They snuck over to it. Twilight opened the door and crawled through. Pinkie followed and closed the door...just as a knife hit where the door was.

**Aaaaand there it was, the DiscordantPrincess version of "Let Me Be Good to You." Not the best version ever, but it was acceptable I think.**

**Rarity: ACCEPTABLE?! You call making me, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash dress up like showgirls and dance for a bunch of drunken stallions ACCEPTABLE?!**

**RD: Not to mention that you made me all girly!**

**Fluttershy: Eep.**

**Hey, hey, calm down, ladies, it was just an act, OK? No need to lose your heads. **

**Yes, I actually did research how diamonds are made...it's actually kind of cool. Well, not cool, more like really hot, but still...AUGH, why am I rambling?**

**Next chapter, Pinkie and company find Discord's secret lair and confront the villain himself, only for Pinkie to go into a Heroic BSOD. Thanks for reading, everypony!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	9. Discord's Lair

**Aloha, everypony! Hope you're ready for the newest chapter of "The Pink Pony Detective," because here it is!**

Once they were out of Cherry-o's, the sleuthing crew crawled down a tunnel that led to a large cavern. There, they heard Gilda humming the song that the unicorn performer had been singing. They looked down the other end of the cavern, where they saw the griffon's form, holding a lantern and crawling into another little tunnel.

"Pinkie..." Twilight whispered, but was quickly hushed by the detective. She led them over to the tunnel and crawled through.

The tunnel was pitch black. "OK, I can't see anything," Spike commented.

"Me, neither," Twilight replied. She used her magic to emit a glow around her horn. "Ah, that's better." She looked around. The walls were littered with diamonds galore. "Whoa! I've never SEEN so many diamonds in my entire life!"

"Me, neither," Spike drooled, rubbing his stomach.

"Don't even THINK about it, buster, we're here to catch a criminal, not a snack," Twilight told him.

Pinkie then noticed the aura around Twilight's horn. "Hey, hey! Do you WANNA blow our cover? Put it out!" Twilight sighed and obeyed.

"And we're back to seeing nothing," Spike groaned.

"Just follow me," Pinkie commanded. They walked on. "No, no, no, not there! Twilight, look out for your..."

SMACK! Twilight bumped her head against a hard rock wall. "OW! Mother of Celestia, that hurt!"

"SHH!" Pinkie hushed her. "This way." She led them on.

"Are you SURE you know where you're going, Pinkie Pie?" Spike asked.

"Of course!" Pinkie replied confidently. "Left turn here...right turn over there..."

* * *

After a bit, the three came to a light at the end of the tunnel. They peered out to see a well-lit cave. "AHA! We've found Discord's secret lair!" Pinkie cheered quietly as they crawled out into the cave. "And it's even messier and yuckier than I had ever thought it would be!"

Once they were out into the cave, the trio snuck behind some large stalagmites in case somepony was watching. Then, they saw the large birdcage, where a small yellow form was lying with its back to them. "Twilight, Spike! The birdcage!"

Pinkie and Twilight cantered over to the cage, Spike riding on Twilight's back. Pinkie tried to open the door. "Ergh! It's locked!"

Twilight tapped on the bars of the cage. "Apple Bloom! Apple Bloom!"

"Hey, AB!" Spike spoke up.

Just then, the head of the form rolled off. It was a decoy dressed up like the filly! Suddenly, there was a unanimous cry of "SURPRISE!" that shocked the trio. A huge white banner with the words WELCOME, PINKIE PIE unfurled on the wall. And over to one corner, clapping sarcastically, was Discord himself.

"Brava, Miss Pie, bravissima," the draconequus told the fuming detective as he walked closer to where they were. "What a MARVELOUS performance." He snickered nastily. "Though to be honest, I was expecting you here fifteen minutes earlier." He made a pocket watch appear and glanced at it, a cruel smile spreading over his face. "Trouble with the chemistry set, old girl?"

Pinkie smiled sweetly. "Discord, nopony could have a higher opinion of you than I do..." She frowned. "...and I think you're a slimy, nasty, big jerky-faced draconequus!"

The minions all gasped as the detective called their boss a draconequus. They expected him to snap. But Discord simply grinned and made the watch disappear. "Oh, by the way, Pinkie Pie, I just LOVE your little disguise here." He ripped the fake mustache off of Pinkie's face, making her flinch. "Really, nopony would EVER recognize you." He took the hat and eyepatch off of her. "The greatest detective in all of Equestria!" He chuckled.

Pinkie began to get angry again. "Discord, as Celestia as my witness, I'll see you behind bars yet!"

"You little foal!" Discord grabbed her by the mane and pulled her up. "Isn't it clear to you? The superior mind has triumphed! I've won!" He laughed wickedly and dropped Pinkie on her rear on the ground.

Gilda started laughing along with Discord. Then, one by one, the other minions started laughing at the pony detective. Pinkie frowned angrily, then realized what this meant; she had lost. Discord had beaten her. He and his henchponies weren't intimidated by her. To them, she was just a big joke. Her mane and tail flattened, and every inch of her body became a dull gray color. The pony detective began to cry. Twilight saw how sad Pinkie was and trotted over to her, enveloping her in a hug.

Discord fell to the ground laughing, clutching his belly. "Oh, I love it!" he snickered.

* * *

A few minutes later, Discord was having his minions strip Pinkie and Twilight to a giant mousetrap. Spike had been locked in the cage with Apple Bloom, positioned so that they could both watch the grisly show.

"You don't know what a pleasurable dilemma it was, trying to come up with the most appropriate method for your demise," Discord was telling the detective, who was too depressed to speak. "I had so many wonderful ideas, I didn't know which to choose. So, I decided...to use them all!" He showed them many different weapons surrounding them, including a cannon, a crossbow, a giant axe and a giant safe. "Let me show you how it works. Picture this: first, a cutesy little song that I've recorded just for you." Gilda showed off a nearby record player attached to a cord. "As the song plays, the cord tightens, and when the song ends, that little metal ball is released, rolling along its merry way until...SNAP! BOOM! TWANG! THUNK! SPLAT!" Twilight flinched. "And so ends the short, unimpressive career of Pinkie Pie of Sugar Cube Corner."

"You're...You're DESPICABLE!" Twilight spat at the draconequus.

Discord chuckled as he drummed his fingers together. "Why, thank you." Just then, Gilda came up to him, dressed in royal guard uniform. "Is everything ready, Gilda?"

"It's all set, boss," Gilda replied. She pointed to a large white box wrapped with a big red bow. Discord gleefully walked over to it and peered inside. "Oh, this is wicked. So delightfully wicked." He turned to Applejack, who he had tied up and gagged so that she wouldn't run or scream. "My dear Applejack, let me congratulate you on a job perfectly done." He rapped his fist against the bars of the cage, making Apple Bloom and Spike both cower. "See what you can do with the right motivation?" He pinched Applejack's cheek.

The rest of the minions crawled onto Ursa's back, dressed in royal guard uniform, preparing to take off. "You all know the plan?" Discord asked.

They all saluted. "Yes, Discord, sir!" The bear walked off, carrying the minions on her back.

"I had hoped to stay and witness your final moments, Miss Pie, but you WERE fifteen minutes late, and I do have a VERY important engagement at the Canterlot palace," Discord sighed. "Oh, well. You WILL remember to smile for the camera, won't you?" He indicated a camera that he had set up to take a picture of Pinkie and Twilight's remains. "Say cheese."

"You JERK!" Twilight yelled at him as he walked over to the record player.

"Sorry, girly," Discord responded as he put the needle on the record. "You should've chosen your friends more carefully." The song began to play. As it did, Gilda flew a large dirigible over to where Discord was, the box in tow. "Adieu! Auf Wiedersehen! Arrivederci! Farewell!" He chuckled as he climbed into the basket and waved. "Bye-bye, Pinkie!" As the doomed ponies watched, the dirigible took off.

"Pinkie, what did he mean when he said that he had an engagement at the Canterlot palace?" Twilight asked panickedly.

Pinkie sighed sadly. "Haven't you figured it out yet, Twilight? The princesses are in danger and Equestria is doomed."

"The PRINCESSES?!"

**Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!**

**Aww, I just want to huggle poor little Pinkie right now! Just like I always want to huggle Basil at this part in the movie! Discord, y u such a jerk?**

**Yeah, yeah, it'd probably be easier and quicker for Discord to just flash himself to the palace instead of flying in a dirigible...curse me for wanting to keep some similar elements from the movie into the fanfic!**

**Next chapter, Discord arrives at the Canterlot palace to surprise the princesses. What did Applejack make that's in the box? And what are Discord's plans for our princesses? Gotta stay tuned to find out!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	10. The Grand Escape

**What time is it? ADVENTURE TIME! Nah, JK, it's new chapter time, yay!**

As Pinkie and Twilight awaited their fates, at the Canterlot palace, ponies from all over Equestria, dressed in their finest clothes, were arriving to enjoy themselves at the Grand Galloping Gala. As they arrived, Princess Celestia, a white alicorn with a multi-pastel-colored mane and tail, purple eyes, and a cutie mark of the sun, was getting ready for the evening in her bedroom. Next to her was her younger sister, Princess Luna, a dark blue alicorn with a mane and tail like the night sky, turquoise eyes and a cutie mark of a crescent moon in a black patch.

"I can't believe it's already time for the Grand Galloping Gala again," Celestia commented as she put on her gold crown. "It feels like they just had one yesterday."

Luna nodded. "I just love the Gala. I wish it could be every night."

Outside the room, two royal guards stood to insure nothing happened to the princesses. Just then, they were ambushed by Flim and Flam, who took their places. Flim knocked on the door. "Come in," Celestia called.

Flim opened the door as Flam and Gilda wheeled in the wrapped box. "Pardon us, Your Highnesses, but this gift has just arrived for the two of you in honor of tonight's Gala."

"A gift? How very thoughtful," Luna replied as she and her sister walked towards the box. "I wonder who it's from."

"Perhaps it's from Twilight Sparkle, my most faithful student," Celestia guessed. "She should have arrived home from the zebra homeland recently. Maybe this is a gift from there."

"Only one way to find out," Gilda smirked, handing her the card.

Luna blinked. "I don't remember us having a griffon guard, do you, Celestia?"

"No, but I'm sure she's just new," Celestia answered. She read the card out loud. "To our beloved princesses, this gift we send, as their millennium-long reign…comes to an end?"

"Comes to an end?" Luna repeated. "Surely this is some sort of prank, yes?"

Flim and Flam unwrapped the box. Inside were two lifelike models of the two princesses. Celestia looked over hers. "My, this is exquisitely made." Just then, the models came to life and began chasing the princesses around the room. "Good heavens!"

"Amazing likenesses, aren't they, Princesses?" The princesses looked to see Discord standing there. Behind him was Applejack, who was solemnly working the controls of the robots.

"DISCORD!" Celestia spat the draconequus' name. "What are YOU doing here?"

"I'm here to pay my respects to my favorite princesses," Discord replied. "I hope you like my little gifts here."

Luna growled and turned to Gilda and the twins. "Guards, seize this despicable creature!" Gilda simply snickered.

Discord took out a microphone and spoke into it, making his voice sound like Luna's as it came out of the robot's mouth. "Guards, seize these despicable creatures!" The minions immediately grabbed ahold of the princesses, who tried to fight back but were too much. "How DARE you!" Celestia yelled.

Discord took out his bell and rang it. "Take them away." The minions dragged the princesses as they angrily cried out "Let go of us, you traitors!"

* * *

Meanwhile, back at Discord's lair, Apple Bloom and Spike were trying to bust out of their cage, Twilight was panicking as the song played on, and Pinkie was too depressed to do anything but lie there. "Pinkie! PINKIE!" Twilight urged her companion.

"Oh, how could I been so blind?" Pinkie asked.

"It's OK, we all make mistakes," Twilight tried to assure her. "But we can't let that stop us! We just have to…"

"Discord's proven that he's smarter than me," Pinkie groaned, not listening to Twilight. "He never would have fallen into this obvious trap!"

"Would you pull yourself together?" Twilight asked. "You can stop Discord! You just have to…" Just then, the record hit a snag in which it just played the same part over and over. Twilight gasped. "Pinkie, the record! This is our chance! We can…"

"Oh, it's finally happened, I've been outwitted!" Pinkie mourned.

"Pinkie, please, this isn't the time!"

"I've been tricked, duped, humiliated, made a fool of, played like a flugelhorn…"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Twilight yelled angrily. The volume of the unicorn's voice made the record straighten itself out. Twilight flinched, but continued on her tirade. "Darn it, Pinkie Pie, the princesses are in trouble, Apple Bloom and Spike need us, we're about to be horribly mangled in sixty different ways, and all you can do is lie there and feel sorry for yourself! Well, I know that you can save us, but if you've given up then we might as well set the trap off NOW and get it over with!" She fell silent, an angry look on her face.

Pinkie chuckled. "Set it off now." Then, she got an idea. "Set…it off…NOW?" She started giggling like a loon. Twilight looked at her oddly. "Yes…that's what we'll do. We'll set the trap off NOW!"

"Pinkie, wait, no, I wasn't being SERIOUS!" Twilight pleaded. Just then, the song ended. The cord attached to the player tightened and released the ball, which began rolling towards the trigger of the mouse trap that the ponies were strapped to.

Pinkie looked around at the different weapons, spouting some mathematical gibberish. Twilight began freaking out as the ball came closer. "OK, Twilight, exactly at the same time I say so, we hit the trigger to this trap." She waited. "Get ready…c'mon…c'mon…NOW!" She and Twilight hit the trigger, just as the ball hit the trap, keeping it from snapping on them.

The pressure of the ball made the trap lose a screw, which hit the cannon, making it shoot in the direction of the crossbow, which shot off an arrow that broke through the axe's rope. The axe fell and chopped the mouse trap in half, freeing the two ponies, who moved just as the safe fell. The vibrations of the safe hitting the ground bust open the cage, making Apple Bloom and Spike fly through the air.

Twilight hyperventilated, clutching a hoof to her chest, both relieved that they'd managed to escape and scared out of her wits. Pinkie shook off the remainders of her thug costume, her mane and tail re-curling and her color coming back. She smiled triumphantly. "Thank you, Twilight." She grabbed the unicorn with one foreleg and caught the two youngsters with the other. Then, she hugged them close to her. "Smile, everypony!" She grinned as the camera went off, taking a picture of the happy detective and her three shocked companions.

**Yay, Pinkie and crew escaped! I have no idea what the math here would be, so I'll leave it to the imagination...I was right in my story "Pinkie Pi," Pinkie is a math GENIUS!**

**OK, who else wants to brohoof Twilight after her tirade at Pinkie? In the movie, that was always my favorite Dawson moment...so awesome!**

**Can Pinkie and crew make it to the Canterlot palace before anything happens to the princesses? Tune in next time to find out!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	11. Faceoff at the Gala

**Hey, guys! Here I have a new chapter of "The Pink Pony Detective" for you! Enjoy!**

In the great hall of the palace, the trumpets blared to let the ponies know that the "princesses" were coming to greet them. They all applauded as the robotic duplicates came out. "Celestia" then began to speak as Applejack controlled her and spoke into the microphone: "Oh this most special of evenings, we gather not only to enjoy the most celebrated night in all of Equestria, but to honor one of truly noble stature. I present to you, a gentlecolt among ponies, a gifted leader…"

As the fake princess gave her speech, the real princesses were being dragged towards a balcony by Gilda, both bound and gagged. "Whoa, you two are a ton each, ain't ya?" the griffon asked jokingly. This earned her a kick to the head by Luna. "Heeeere, Ursy, Ursy! Time for dinner!" The star bear stood eagerly at the balcony, waiting for Gilda to feed the princesses to her.

* * *

The fake Celestia was finishing her speech. "…and our new royal advisor…DISCORD!" As she said his name, the draconequus appeared in a white flash, wearing king's robes and a crown, a triumphant grin on his face. The ponies all gasped when they saw him. One orange pegasus filly with a messy purple mane and tail and purple eyes blew a raspberry at him, until her mother shoved her hoof in front of her mouth.

* * *

Meanwhile, Pinkie and company had just gotten out of the caverns and were outside the city. Pinkie whistled, and Gummy immediately ran over, licking Apple Bloom. "The game's ahoof, Gummy! The Princesses are in trouble!" Gummy growled and let the four onto his back. "To the Canterlot palace!"

* * *

"Thank you, Princess Celestia," Discord told the robot. "And now, as your new royal advisor, I have a few SLIGHT suggestions that might improve life here in Equestria." He made a large scroll appear in his hands and unrolled it. The scroll unrolled until it was across the room and going out the door. Discord cleared his throat and made a pair of reading glasses appear on his face as he began. "Item one…"

* * *

Meanwhile, Gummy was running through the streets of Canterlot, trying to get to the palace. As he did, Gilda got to the edge of the balcony and dangled the alicorns over, above Ursa's open mouth. "Open wide!" the griffon told the bear.

Suddenly, Pinkie and her companions came up from behind Gilda and grabbed the princesses, pulling them back to the floor. Gilda didn't realize this until she tried throwing them to Ursa, knocking herself off the balcony, grabbing ahold of the railing with her talons. Ursa snapped at the griffon, trying to eat her instead. "Down, bear, down!" Just then, Gummy came running up to the scene. Ursa roared in fear and ran off, chased by the alligator.

* * *

"Item ninety-six," Discord continued. "A heavy tax shall be levied against all parasites and sponges, such as the elderly, the infirmed, and ESPECIALLY little foals!" He looked straight at the filly who had given him a raspberry before, who looked ready to fight him off.

"Why of all the ridiculous nonsense I've ever heard!" spoke up an elderly green earth pony mare with a white mane and tail, gold eyes, a cutie mark of a pie and an orange bandanna, walking with a walker as she approached Discord. "Ya no-good varmint! You're crazy!" She shook a hoof at the draconequus.

Discord glared at the old mare and grabbed her walker, making her fall over. "Maybe I haven't made myself clear." He used his powers to make the walker burst into flames. "I HAVE THE POWER!"

"Of course you do," robot Celestia agreed.

"I am SUPREME!"

"Only you," robot Luna confirmed.

"EQUESTRIA IS MINE!" Discord laughed triumphantly. As he did, Pinkie and her crew arrived behind the scenes, watching Applejack being forced to read off of cue cards that the Diamond Dogs held up for her.

"Oh no, Applejack!" Apple Bloom whispered. "We gotta DO somethin'!"

"What do we do, Pinkie?" Twilight asked.

Pinkie smiled. "Elementary, my dear Twilight." She had them huddle up. "OK, here's what we do…"

Discord finished his insane bout of laughter and calmed down. "Equestria is mine, of course, with the princesses' permission." He waited for the robots to respond. When they didn't, he gently kicked the Celestia double, making her promptly begin. "But of course…you fiend!"

"What the…?"

"You're not our royal advisor at all!"

Discord grinned and tried to cover the robot's mouth. "What a sense of humor, huh?"

"You are an impostor!" the robot continued.

"APPLEJACK!"

However, it was not Applejack at the controllers, but rather Pinkie, who was going on a tirade about how horrible Discord was as she controlled the robots. As she did, Applejack was hugging Apple Bloom, Twilight and Spike kept a hold of the now bound and gagged Diamond Dogs, and the princesses were tying up Gilda.

"There isn't an evil scheme you wouldn't concoct!" Pinkie yelled into the microphone. As she did, she jerked the controllers. Onstage, the princess robots were attacking Discord. "Celestia" bit him on the ear. "Luna" bucked him in the stomach. Both of them leapt onto him, pinning him down. "You, Discord, are none other than a foul, evil, wicked Draconius Equestrius, otherwise known as a…"

Discord got angry. He threw both robots off of himself, making them smash against the wall. "DON'T SAY IT!"

Pinkie then burst in through a curtain, finishing her sentence. "…DRACONEQUUS! Guards, arrest that fiend!" As she said these words, a huge brawl began among the ponies.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the woods outside of Canterlot, Gummy was still chasing Ursa away. He chased her straight to the mouth of a cave, then yelped and turned back. Ursa smiled and snorted, going into the cave…only to be chased out by a huge four-headed hydra, angry about being disturbed and wanting to tear the bear apart.

* * *

As the bear ran, inside the palace the fight continued. As it went on, Gilda got free from her ties, then noticed that Apple Bloom and Spike were unguarded.

Onstage, a bunch of ponies leapt onto Discord, trying to pin him down, but he knocked them all off. Just then, he heard Gilda calling to him. "Hey, boss!" He turned to see the griffon, who was at a balcony, holding Apple Bloom and Spike by the tails. Discord grimaced and flashed himself to where Gilda was, grabbing the two young ones. Pinkie, Twilight and Applejack tried to follow, but he yelled "Stay where you are, or the children DIE!" He dragged them both away as they screamed.

"Apple Bloom!" Applejack screamed. "We gotta stop Discord before he kills her an' Spike!"

"Come on!" Pinkie urged her companions. The three ponies ran outside, where they saw Discord take off in his dirigible. "There he goes!" Then, Pinkie got an idea. "Twilight! Applejack! Help me with these things!"

* * *

A storm began to brew as Discord flew through the skies. Gilda pedaled the dirigible as Discord steered. Apple Bloom and Spike were both telling him off. "Just you wait! Pinkie Pie is smarter than you!" the filly shouted. "She's gonna have ya put in jail!"

"Yeah, she's not afraid of some big, ugly, smelly draconequus like you!" Spike agreed.

"Would you two kindly sit down and SHUT UP!" Discord yelled, knocking the two youngsters back. Just then, he gasped. There, in front of them, was a makeshift hot air balloon made from a large basket and old flags sewn together. Applejack was running on a large wheel to make it go fast, Twilight was making it float using her magic, and Pinkie was steering. Discord growled as he drove the dirigible off.

"Full speed ahead, girls!" Pinkie told her companions. They nodded and went to work. Applejack ran faster on the wheel, and Twilight used her full power to make the balloon float. They chased after the draconequus.

So began a thrilling chase over Equestria. At one point, Gilda got tired and stopped pedaling. "Boss, it's too heavy! We gotta lighten the load!"

"Oh, you want to lighten the load, do you?" Discord asked. He grabbed the griffon. "What an excellent idea!" He threw her out of the dirigible as she screamed. "No, not me! I meant the brats! Help! I can't flyyyyyyyyyy!" With that, the griffon fell to her doom into the river below. Once she was gone, Discord started pedaling the dirigible, ignoring the steering.

The ponies' balloon soon caught up. "Steady…" Pinkie told them. She jumped, trying to grab Discord but instead nabbed the edge of the paneling as the draconequus laughed at her.

Suddenly, Apple Bloom and Spike both screamed at the tops of their lungs. Discord and Pinkie both looked in the same direction…and screamed themselves. They were heading straight for the Canterlot clock tower! They braced for impact…

SMASH! The dirigible slammed into the clock's face, breaking the glass, making the four of them tumble inside. Twilight and Applejack watched in horror as they disappeared inside the clock, leaving behind a smashed dirigible hanging by a thread.

**Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuun!**

**OK, in my personal opinion, peeps, Ratigan's king outfit is pretty much the sexiest Disney villain outfit ever (that or his everyday outfit). Just imagine that on Discord...that would still be sexy, right?**

**I have no idea if an alligator would be enough to chase off an Ursa Minor...probably not, not even a full-grown alligator, but it's a story about talking colorful ponies that was based on a movie about anthropomorphic talking rodents, I think we can give it a little leeway.**

**Coming up next chapter, the final showdown between Pinkie Pie and Discord atop the clock tower. Warning: may get bloody. Stay tuned!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	12. The Final Showdown

**Hey, guys! Well, here it is, the thrilling climatic battle between Pinkie Pie and Discord. Only one can make it out alive. Who will it be? Read on to find out!**

Pinkie groaned and rubbed her head as she came to. She got up and looked around in awe. She was inside the Canterlot clock tower, standing on a giant gear! Large gears and cogs spun around, ready to crush anypony that was unfortunate enough to get between them.

Pinkie stared around at her surroundings, unaware that Discord was right behind her, getting ready to strangle her. He had Apple Bloom and Spike tucked under his lion paw, their mouths covered. Apple Bloom managed to free her mouth long enough to yell "PINKIE! LOOK OUT!" Pinkie turned around…right in time for Discord to smack her across the face with his eagle claw, knocking her off the gear. She gripped onto the edge.

Discord got ready to knock Pinkie off of the gear. Before he could, Apple Bloom bit his arm, and Spike used his fire breath to burn his fingers. The draconequus screamed in pain. Pinkie leapt back onto the gear and grabbed Discord by the tail, sticking it between two gears to immobilize him. Discord struggled against her. As he did, he kicked Spike, who bumped into Apple Bloom, knocking them both off the gear as they screamed. They landed in between two gears that were seconds from colliding.

Pinkie gasped as she saw the two youngsters in trouble. "Apple Bloom! Spike! Hang on!" She jumped onto a nearby chain and kicked it, making it go faster. As it did, the gears got closer together. Spike and Apple Bloom flinched and hugged each other, bracing themselves for impact…

SWIPE! Pinkie grabbed both of the youths right before the gears could crush them. Spike and Apple Bloom hugged her as they rode up to the top of the tower.

Discord watched as his most hated foe and those two little brats ran off to safety together. He felt pure hatred and fury burn through his entire body. Pinkie Pie was NOT going to get away THIS time! He kicked the gears holding his tail, smashing them. Then, he ran after the detective on all fours, resembling a predatory beast chasing its prey.

Pinkie and the kids made it outside the clock, where Twilight and Applejack were waiting for them. Twilight made the balloon come closer to where they were as Pinkie held Spike and Apple Bloom up to a reaching Applejack. "Come on, Twilight, closer!"

"Hang on, Apple Bloom, I'm comin'!" Applejack told her sister.

Apple Bloom held her hoof up to her sister, but she was too far away. "Applejack! I can't reach! I can't reach!"

As they tried to pass off the children, Discord ran onto the scene. He grabbed Pinkie and knocked her over the edge. Apple Bloom and Spike were about to go over as well, but Applejack grabbed them and pulled them up into the basket, where they were both hugged.

Pinkie screamed as she was dragged down to the face of the clock. She landed on the hour hand, the impact breaking her away from Discord's grip. She looked over the edge to the river stories below. She flinched and clutched the hand.

"Pinkie! Over here!" Spike called to her. She looked over to see her friends in the balloon waving at her. She smiled with relief…

"ARRRGH!" Discord grabbed her by the neck in a choke hold. Pinkie pushed away from him and ran, but was blocked by him leaping in front of her. "There's no escape THIS time, Pie!" He chased the frightened pony towards the center of the hand. He swiped at her with his eagle talons, catching her skin, making her cry out in pain.

The balloon edged closer to the scene to try and help Pinkie. They watched in horror as Discord scratched her with his claws, digging into her flesh, leaving behind bleeding scars. Pinkie collapsed over and over again, but she kept getting back up, only to be knocked down again by the furious draconequus.

Pinkie groaned as she got up once again. She shook, feeling weak, covered in scratches and blood. She leaned over and coughed up blood. She looked up at Discord, looking like a huge monster, his eyes filled with fury, his claws tinted scarlet with blood…HER blood. He swiped at her one last time, knocking her off the edge of the hand. Twilight tried to grab at her as she fell by them, but she missed.

Discord watched as his enemy fell to her doom. A twisted grin spread over his face. "I'VE WON!" he cried out triumphantly. He laughed maniacally.

"Not so fast!" a familiar voice called back. Discord blinked in shock and peered over the edge. Pinkie had grabbed the pedals of his crashed dirigible and had somehow gotten ahold of his silver bell.

"The game's not over yet!" Pinkie responded, smiling. She rang the bell.

BONG! The clock tower began chiming ten. The vibrations knocked Discord off balance. He fell off the hand. As he came closer to Pinkie, he grabbed her around the waist. "If I go down, you're going WITH me, bitch!"

The ropes on the pedals broke under the weight. The ones in the balloon watched in horror as Pinkie and Discord both fell to their demises into the river below, screaming all the way. They disappeared into the mist. Their screams fell silent.

"No!" Spike yelled. "Pinkie! Pinkie Pie!" He went to the edge, peering over.

"It's no use, Spike," Twilight told him, holding him. "She's gone." She hugged him close as he started crying. Apple Bloom cried as Applejack held her.

Suddenly, they heard what sounded like propellers squeaking. They peered over the edge…to see Pinkie pedaling the propeller up to them. She smiled at them. "Hi, guys!"

"YEE-HAW!" Applejack cheered.

"ATTA GIRL, PINKIE!" Twilight whooped.

The ponies continued to celebrate as Pinkie pedaled over to them to get into the basket.

**Woohoo! Pinkie is OK! Well, no, she's scratched up like hell...well, she's alive! **

**OK, in my opinion, this scene from GMD was one of the most epic climatic battles in Disney history...this or "The Lion King," but I think this one was 20% bloodier. Plus it gave us a shirtless Ratti scene...DAMN, he is buff. (drools) WHA? I'm sorry, where was I?**

**Tune in for the epilogue next time! **

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess. **


	13. Epilogue

**Hey, everypony! Here it is, the final chapter of "The Pink Pony Detective!" Thank you all for reading it and commenting about it. Enjoy the finale!**

A few nights later, the gang was back at Sugar Cube Corner. On the mantle, where Discord's picture had once hung, Pinkie had cut out a clipping of a newspaper that had a picture of her and Twilight bowing before the princesses as Celestia tapped the pink pony's shoulders with her horn.

"Wow, to be thanked by the princesses themselves," Twilight commented. "It sure is a great honor, isn't it, Pinkie?"

"All in a day's work, Twilight," Pinkie, now wrapped head to hoof in bandages, responded. She took Discord's silver bell and placed it on her mantle as a sort of trophy to remind her of her greatest triumph.

"Wow, Twilight, you sure were awesome!" Apple Bloom told the blushing unicorn.

"Hey, what am I, chopped emeralds?" Spike asked, slightly offended.

"You were awesome, too, Spike," Apple Bloom assured him with a little laugh. "So brave and heroic." The dragon giggled.

"You sure were," Applejack agreed. "And it sure was nice of the princesses to give us some land upcountry for apple farmin' an' woodworkin', away from all those city ponies who might still think I willingly participated in Discord's scheme an' try to label me a traitor." She looked at the clock on the wall. "Sweet apple cider! We're gonna be late to catch our train! C'mon, Apple Bloom, let's go."

"You got it, AJ," Apple Bloom agreed. She hugged Pinkie. "Goodbye, Pinkie. I ain't ever gonna forget ya."

"Oh, I'll never forget you either, Apple Juice," Pinkie replied. Apple Bloom just smiled and shook her head.

Spike chuckled. "Whatever."

"Bye, Twilight," Apple Bloom told the unicorn as she hugged her.

"Goodbye, Apple Bloom."

"Bye, Spike." She gave the young dragon a quick peck on the cheek, making him blush. Apple Bloom then followed her sister outside. "G'bye, y'all!" With that, the Apple sisters were gone.

Pinkie sniffed. "She's really not a bad little filly."

"Not at all," Twilight agreed. She turned to her assistant. "Come on, Spike, it's time we head out to."

"What?" both Spike and Pinkie asked in unison. "Why?"

"We need to find a place of our own to stay," Twilight replied. "I mean, the adventure's over. The case is closed. Discord is gone."

Suddenly, there was a white flash of light. "Au contraire, mon petite poney!" the draconequus announced. "He's BACK!"

The trio gasped. "DISCORD?" Pinkie asked in disbelief. "But, but how did you…"

"How did I survive that nasty fall?" Discord guessed what the detective was thinking. "How easily you forget that I am the SPIRIT of chaos and disharmony first, a criminal genius second. I am a god, and it takes a lot more than a twenty-story fall into a freezing cold river to kill a god."

"What do you want?" Twilight demanded. "Here to beat Pinkie up more? Because if you are, then you'll have to go through ME first!" She stood in front of the detective, along with an angry Spike.

"Tut, tut, Twilight Sparkle, I assure you that I am not here to do any more physical harm to Pinkie Pie," Discord responded. "Only to offer her my congratulations. You have bested me, Miss Pie, and I admire a pony who can best me. So I've decided to hang up my cape of villainy and use my powers for good." He snapped his fingers, making a coatrack and a black cape appear. He took the cape and hung it on the rack. "See?"

"I don't buy it, Discord," Spike spoke up. "You're up to some sort of trick. You're here to lull us into a sense of peace, and then WHAMMO! We're all Ursa chow!"

"Oh, Spike, you adorable, paranoid little boy you," Discord chuckled, pinching the dragon's cheek. "I promise that I don't have any plans of the sort. I only want to apologize for what I have done to Miss Pie and try to do better in the future." He smiled at the pink pony. "What do you say, Pinkie? Truce?" He held out his paw.

Pinkie looked up skeptically at the draconequus, but shrugged and put her hoof in his paw. "Truce." They shook on it.

"Wonderful," Discord replied. "Now if you all will excuse me, I have an injured Ursa Minor to tend to." He snapped his fingers, putting on a doctor's outfit and carrying a black medical bag, and teleported himself out of Sugar Cube Corner.

"Wow, I can't believe that Discord has finally given up being a bad guy," Pinkie commented. "It's so not like him to give up like that."

Twilight smiled, then gasped as she looked at the mantle. "Uh, Pinkie, didn't you put Discord's bell on the mantle?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Because it's GONE!" They all looked to see what the unicorn had said was true.

"I KNEW he was up to something!" Spike replied. "He's probably going to kidnap a whole school of orphaned fillies and feed him to that monster star bear of his!"

Pinkie frowned, then grabbed her bubble pipe and blew into it. "We must be on the case to figure out what Discord's up to!"

"WE?" Twilight asked.

"Of course WE," Pinkie responded. "I do ALL my cases with my two most trusted associates and bestest friends, Twilight Sparkle and Spike."

Spike smiled. "You MEAN it?"

"Of course! Why WOULDN'T I mean it?" Pinkie turned to Twilight. "Isn't that right, Twilight?"

Twilight smiled. "You bet!" The two high-hoofed.

"Well, then, trusted associates and bestest friends, let's AWAY!" Pinkie announced. With that, she ran out the door, followed closely by Twilight and Spike. Gummy was waiting for them outside. "Come on, Gummy! Another case awaits!" They climbed onto the alligator. "TALLY HO!" With that, Gummy ran off into the night, starting another exciting adventure for the pink pony detective.

**WAHOO! Another awesome story finished!**

**Oh come on, peeps, did you REALLY think that I was going to kill off my favorite MLP character? Discord can survive being turned into stone, for Lauren Faust's sake! Falling is no big deal! It oddly fits the original, too, because according to my good friend FairyTales And Pixie Dust, there is a GMD comic that shows that Ratigan survived his fall from Big Ben...I don't remember reading it, but I believe her. And yes, I totally stole Discord's first line from the episode "Deja Q" of "Star Trek: The Next Generation"...shameless copying is shameless. **

**OK, in the movie I had no idea why the Flavershams had to leave town in the end of the movie, so I made up some baloney that Applejack would have to go to a new area so nopony would give her guff about her involvement in Discord's scheme...I dunno, I'm just gonna roll with it.**

**I hope you all enjoyed reading my story! Next Disney/MLP mix shall be either a ponified version of "Beauty and the Beast" or "The Lion King." What do you think I should do next?**

**Thanks for reading! Please review!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess. **


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